Let's Talk About Sex

Let's talk about sex. One of my friends recently brought up the issue, and said some interesting things that got me thinking. She is a virgin, and has been pressured to have sex by some of her friends. She says that she's not waiting for religious reasons, she just wants to be in a good relationship with a nice guy before she gives it up. Her friends say that she should just have sex already because, hey, it's not a big deal or anything.

It's an interesting thing, sex. I would venture to guess that sex is the single most written about, sung about, filmed about, talked about, thought about topic in the world. I mean, without sex we wouldn't be here. We need to have sex. Humans are animals, and all animals have these desires. What separates humans from animals, though, is that we can choose whether or not to have sex.

"It's just human. We all have the Jungle inside us. We all have wants and needs and desires, strange as they may seem. If you stop to think about it, we're all pretty creative, cooking up all these fantasies. It's like a kind of poetry." -Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider

So if we can choose when we have sex, then how do we know what time to choose? What makes one day better than another? What makes one person better than another?

"Oh, sex is something you just don't do with anyone! You have to wait until you find the right person."
Well how do you know if that person is the right person? Sure, they could be the right person now but ten years down the road are they still going to be the right person?

"Well, you should wait until you're married. That way you know you're with the right person."
Oh man am I not going to even get into this topic. However unfortunate it might be, just because you marry someone does not mean they're the right person. 50% of marriages fail, and the rate just gets higher and higher the more times someone is married.

"I know nothing about sex because I was always married." -Zsa Zsa Gabor

Is waiting until you're married better than have sex before? Is only having sex while you're in a relationship better than one night stands? What is right? I think all of these things are solely based on a person's value judgments, and I don't think I or anyone else has the right to tell others what to do with whom.

I think the biggest concern that I have with one nights stands are that you don't really know the person you're with. How do you know who they've done before you? How do you know if they don't have an STD? I'm pretty sure that's how STDs are spread. To me, a one night stand just doesn't seem worth it.

"Life is a sexually transmitted disease." -R. D. Laing

And even if you do wait to have sex with someone you're in a relationship, how do you know if they're going to be faithful? The same if you wait until you get married? When a couple has sex, it takes things to a different level whether they plan on it or not. And when that level is crossed, I think they have to have a certain level of trust for each other. If they don't have that trust, then jealously will slowly take over the relationship.

But that is assuming that you wanted to wait until you were in a relationship before you had sex. If you're having one night stands then you just need to worry about being safe. You don't want to get an STD. You also have to worry about your reputation if you get around a lot. Nobody wants to be that person in the neighborhood...

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go it's pretty damn good." -Woody Allen

And let's not forget the whole point of having sex. Babies! If you're not married, or if you're not in a long term relationship, then what happens if you get pregnant? In Trey Ellis' book Platitudes, there is a sexuality questionnaire that the school gives the children:

"18. If you or your partner were to become pregnant, what would you do?
19. And if she did not want to have an abortion? (116)"

I think it's funny that the questionnaire automatically assumes that you want to abort as soon as possible. But, that is what many people do. Is it wrong or right? Again, that's up to the person (and that's a topic for another day). But what if you decide to have the kid and you're only 16 or 15 or 14 or younger? Unfortunately this is a problem that is on the rise. And it's only making it worse.

Just from what I've read and what I've seen, this is what I think happens: Parents are becoming less and less involved with their kids, so when the kids get to a certain age and discover sex, the parents either don't know how to talk to their children or aren't there to talk to their children. Then I think that girls have so much pressure on them to be beautiful and to be wanted and needed and to have sex and a good time that they go out and look for a relationship, any relationship. Unfortunately what they tend to find are older guys who are just looking for sex. And bad relationship after bad relationship they're just looking to have that fun they've been pressured to have. Meanwhile, the nice guys are sitting backseat to the assholes girls complain about. Then, after the girls have matured and have had their fun, they go back to find the nice guy.


So, when should someone have sex? Who should they have sex with? These are all very personal questions, and I don't think anyone but that person can answer them. My advice would be to just look at everything that comes with sex, and then make a decision. But in agreement with my friend, don't tell your friends what they have to do. Let them make the choice for themselves.

"Sex is a big question mark. It is something people will talk about forever." -Catherine Deneuve