Transformers Review

Asshole. Bitch ass. You're a pussy. These were not things I was expecting from the new Transformers movie, but yet there they were. I was excited to see the new Transformers movie, but I was also anxious because it had been getting bad reviews. And I have to say, the first one was definitely better.

The story was ok for the most part, but the thing that really got me was the lack of developed characters. The main characters from the last movie like the army guys were reduced to very few lines. Even the Autobots' lines were few and far between. We got to see new characters such as Sideswipe and Jolt, but for literally five minutes each.

What the movie did have was explosions. Michael Bay normally gets characterized by having nothing but explosions and sexy women in his movies, and after seeing his latest film I see why. It set a Guinness World Record for the largest explosion with actors in a movie. We also got to see a Deceptacon transform into a... human. A very sexy human too.

Wait, what? Main characters don't get much screen time? New characters just show up randomly? Terminators are in the movie now? Does the movie have any redeeming qualities?

Really the only part of the movie I enjoyed was the special effects. Those made it worth the money to see in IMAX. If they had been as bad as the writing, then I would have been really upset.

To me, it seems that the more money a movie has, the worse it is. Hollywood will have a blockbuster film that had a small budget. Then for the sequel they will throw ungodly amounts of money at it for special effects and whatnot and forget to write a decent script. Large budgets are to movies as Kryptonite is to Superman.

So if you have not yet seen the movie, here are my tips. If you plan on bringing children, beware there is fowl language that just should not be in this movie. There is also a scene where one of the robots has large testicles dangling around. You also should not expect much from the film besides robot fights and giant explosions, because that's all the movie really was. And lastly, don't plan anything after it because the movie is two and a half hours long. Two hours too long in my opinion.