Condoms and Credit Cards

All names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Recently my good friend Alexander tasted the forbidden fruit for the first time, and ever since his hunger has not been quenched. Unfortunately for my dear friend, his main squeeze has been unavailable due to that monthly visit. Needless to say, he's been quite restless for a week.

Hanging out today, he mentioned that tonight be that special night that ends that horrible week, and he wanted to have some condoms just in case. I'm not sure why, but it seemed like everywhere he went there were no supplies. I mention that I needed to go to Wal-Mart because I had run out of toothpaste and deodorant, and that it would probably be cheaper for him to get condoms there anyway.

So being the shy young man he is, he goes over and gets a box of Trojans and quickly gets in line at the self-checkout. Slowly we make our way up the line, laughing at his embarrassment. As we're waiting, a long line forms behind us. Finally his turn arrives and he scans the box, his only purchase, and checks out. He swipes his credit card and signs the electronic pen pad.

As fate would have it, today would not be the day that he could buy condoms in peace. The pen pad is broken and is not accepting his signature. Quickly, he signs again, hoping that it works. He tries this several times to no avail. Each time he signs, his face becomes a brighter shade of red. Each failed try only aggravates the long line behind us too.

"Will you hurry up and sign it?" suggests the impatient man behind us. Now people are starting to wonder what's going on, and are looking interestingly at my friend's purchase. There is also a mom and her kids, who are now curious to what my friend is buying. Of course this only makes things worse for him. Finally an employee walks over and enters a magic code that sets him free from his embarrassment. I checkout and pay with my card as well. The machine works perfectly for me, as he hurries away with a scarlet face.

So I guess the moral of this story is to always pay for condoms in cash to avoid embarrassment. Or not to be embarrassed when buying condoms because, hey, at least you're getting some, right?

-Beast