What Is Love?

This was written a while back for a friend of mine. She had to write an essay about a variety of opinions on love. I have been hesitant about posting this because my personal life is something I really don't like to talk about. But since this is anonymous enough, here it is.

What is love? Who knows, I sure don't. And to be quite honest, I don't think anyone does. So much has been done to define love. Love is too broad of a term to work with, so let's pull out the old Merriam-Webster Dictionary and narrow it down.

Love: A strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties. Okay, I know this one. A deep feeling for someone. But I have a lot of friends who I have deep personal ties with. But does that mean I love them? Wait, aren't you supposed to fall in love, then you get married? Well I wouldn't marry those friends! This doesn't seem right. Let's go to the next definition.

Love: An attraction based on sexual desire. Ah, okay now this must be the definition of love. Sexual desires? That defiantly deals with marriage and happiness. Hold on though, there are plenty of marriages out there that started off as "sexual desire" and have ended up in divorce. In fact, that's one of the main reasons why the divorce rate is so high. Well if it's not that, let's go to the next definition.

Love: Affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests. Really? That sounds more like friendship to me. Common interests? That could be anyone in your church group or chess club or Student Government Association or Business Fraternity or Theater Club or... well, the list just goes on and on.

Surely this kind of love isn't the kind the princess finds at the end of the fairly tale? Or the kind of love that started the Trojan War? Or the kind of love that poets write sonnets about? Or is it? Think about the first person, outside of your family, that you said "I love you" to. I remember. I was young. I didn't know anymore about love then than I do now.

It was eighth grade, and she went to my church. We got to see each other once a week, when we went to Sunday school. We would sit with each other and hold hands, giggling all the while. During the week we would talk online. "I love you," I would say. "I love you too," she'd reply. It was puppy love.

Whoa there, puppy love? So there's more than one kind of love? That just makes things that much more confusing! We haven't figured out what regular love means yet, we can't move onto other kinds of love. Before I know it, I'm in high school. I meet a girl. We go out. Things are going well, and then it happens.

"I love you."

Whoa. Now things just got real. We're three months in the relationship and now we're saying I love you.

Hold on though, I was only going out with the girl in middle school for like two weeks when we said I love you. It wasn't this intense.

But that was only puppy love in middle school. The love for the high school girl is real. It's true love, and that's more serious.

True love? So there's another kind of love? How does that differ from the puppy love I felt earlier? What about regular love? Where did all of these types of love come from?

It's a few years down the road and I've graduated college, have a good job and a lovely girl that I've been going out with for five years. We get married, get a house, get a dog, have some kids, and live happily ever after. Until we get divorced.

Everything was like the fairy tales though! We can't get divorced, we said happily ever after!

I think I got it now. The problem with love is happily ever after, because happily ever after doesn't exist. Sure if you look at the long run you're happy, but what about all of those arguments? I'm sure those weren't too happy. Or what about the time your lover cheated on you? That can't happen in happily ever after.

Love is a job. You have to work at it. Sometimes you can go home early. Other times you have to work overtime just to scrape by. Sometimes you do more than your coworker. Sometimes they do more than you. Other times you get in a rhythm that's just right. No matter what though, the job changes. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse.

So what is love? Who knows, I still don't. And I think that's the point. After all, if you really knew the answers to love's riddles, what's the point?

-Beast